Derailed . . .

And the track is unable to be repaired

I haven’t been able to show up here lately. Or anywhere, really. It’s very, very difficult to continue on in the world, when your world has been brought to a screeching halt by an unexplainable tragedy. I feel stuck in the mire of the moment, while the world rushes on around me, and it’s so hard to join back in.

Three weeks ago today, my little sister, who had fallen asleep in her chair while reading her book like she does every night, failed to wake up. She fell asleep in her chair with her book. She never woke up. And no explanation makes it hit any differently. She wasn’t sick. She was only 57 years old. And two nights before that, we had been sitting in that same location talking about bits and snippets of everything. She was planning a little vacation with her husband. Everything was fine. And now, suddenly, it’s not.

She’s not coming back. We’re not going to Sunday morning coffee together ever again. I’m not gonna drop in on random weekday evenings to chitty chat and exchange milk bottles, egg cartons, and recipes. There will be no more new Sister Quilting Projects. No more road trips. No more texts. No more phone calls. No shared laughter, especially at our sisters-only inside jokes.

We’ve been together our whole lives. When our mother was pregnant with Katy, I wanted so badly for the baby to be a boy. Why? Because I already had two brothers, and then I’d be the only girl, and I could have my own room! But God certainly knew what he was doing when he sent me a sister, and I’ve not been sorry about it for one minute since the day she arrived.

I didn’t want to write this post at all. I don’t like to write about sad things, and in spite of all the news I impart online, I really am a private person. I never dreamed I would have to write a post like this. I’m the older one. I was supposed to go first.

I’ve always told my daughters: “Whenever my time comes, just call Aunt Kate. She’ll know what to do with all my quilting stuff.” Well, the joke’s on me, cos I just inherited all of HER quilting stuff.

And I’m only writing about this now because some of you have been with me for a lot of years, so you know I have written about my sister periodically, and you deserve to know why I’m suddenly referring to her in the past tense. I’ve shown you lots of her projects, I’ve talked about Sister Projects she and I take on together, and stories about our travels. So in a way, some of you know her, too.

And because I inherited all of her quilting stuff, I hope to honor her memory by finishing her unfinished projects, quilting her unquilted quilt tops, and putting bits of her fabrics into some of my projects. And continuing on with some of our unfinished Sister Projects. I’d like to show them to you someday.

People always told us they could tell we were sisters, and we were never upset by that! Among the many things we have in common is our love of animals, and my sister has a very special “house chicken” named Puckett. Puckett came to live in Katy’s garage after the main flock picked on her so badly she would have died had Katy not saved her. She recently nursed Puckett through an illness that no one else I know could have or would have done for a mere chicken. But Puckett was special to Katy.

And so Puckett has now come to live with me and My Cowboy. And we’ll be treating her like the special girl she knows she is.

Meanwhile, I’m watching the world speed by while I’m still derailed on a track that can never be rebuilt. And yet, so thankful that I was blessed with such a wonderful sister, and holding on to the belief that God is the best planner.